The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
