Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
