hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
