good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
