You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
