Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
