dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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