My cat gives me a boner
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Houston, we have a blender
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
