sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
