just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
