Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
