Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
