fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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