It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
...so i touched it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
