I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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