Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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