That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
