I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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