it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
