they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
