she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
