The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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