Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
