So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
