so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
