I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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