if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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