sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
