I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
