I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got inside last night via doggy door
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
