I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
