He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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