at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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