A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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