im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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