Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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