So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
