Hey man sorry I got all grabby
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
