my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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