I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
