Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
