Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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