I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Come on in and take your pants off
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