4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
