why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
