dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've blown a few things in my day
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
