Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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