it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
