We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
