I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
