she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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