im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
