I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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